--- title: Getting a Restraining Order or Protective Order description: What to do to file for and enforce a protective order if someone is hurting, threatening, or stalking you. category: safety tags: [restraining-order, domestic-violence, legal, personal-safety] version: "1.0" updated: 2026-09-15 sources: - name: WomensLaw.org (IL) — Steps for getting an order of protection url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/il/restraining-orders/orders-protection/steps-getting-order-protection - name: WomensLaw.org (NJ) — The steps for getting a restraining order url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/nj/restraining-orders/domestic-violence-restraining-orders/steps-getting-restraining-order - name: WomensLaw.org (CA) — The steps for getting a DVRO url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ca/restraining-orders/domestic-violence-restraining-orders/steps-getting-dvro - name: WomensLaw.org (NY) — Steps for obtaining an order of protection url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ny/restraining-orders/orders-protection/steps-obtaining-order-protection - name: WomensLaw.org (CA) — Step 2: Fill out the forms url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ca/restraining-orders/domestic-violence-restraining-orders/steps-getting-dvro/step-2-fill-out - name: WomensLaw.org (WA) — Step 3: Service of process url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/wa/restraining-orders/domestic-violence-orders-protection-dvop/steps-getting-domestic-3 - name: WomensLaw.org (CA) — Step 4: Service of process url: https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/ca/restraining-orders/domestic-violence-restraining-orders/steps-getting-dvro/step-4-service - name: HAWC — Safety Planning url: https://hawc.org/safetyplanning/ - name: The Hotline — Documenting Abuse url: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/documenting-abuse/ --- If someone is hurting you, threatening you, or stalking you, a protective order is a court order that legally requires them to stay away and stop contacting you. It won't stop someone determined to break the law, but it gives you a paper trail and a fast way to get police involved. Names and forms vary by state, but the path is close to the same everywhere. ## Before you go to court - [ ] Get to safety first if you're in immediate danger `{essential}` Call 911 before you worry about paperwork. No court document stops an attack in progress. - [ ] Write down what happened, with dates `{essential}` Courts need specifics, not a general sense that things are bad. - [ ] Collect evidence while you can Document all incidents of violence, abuse, and stalking, and collect evidence when possible, like photos of physical abuse, screenshots, phone records, texts, and forensic exams. - [ ] Store evidence somewhere the other person can't reach A cloud folder, a friend's house, or a trusted print copy, since your partner might be monitoring your movements through your texts or social media. - [ ] List witnesses and their contact info Anyone who saw or heard the abuse: neighbors, coworkers, family. - [ ] Think through your safety plan for the next few weeks Where you'll stay, how you'll get to work, what to tell your kids' school — filing can sometimes trigger a reaction from the other person. - [ ] Gather proof of shared finances or custody arrangements `{when: need-order-to-address-money-or-custody}` ## Filing the petition - [ ] Find the right courthouse Usually where you live, where the abuser lives, or where it happened. In New Jersey, for example, you can file with the Family Part of the Chancery Division of the Superior Court in the county where you live, where the abuser lives, or where the violence occurred. - [ ] Ask the clerk for the petition forms and file them `{essential}` This is the actual legal request; nothing else happens until it's filed. Tell the clerk if you think you need protection right away and want a temporary ex parte order. - [ ] Ask questions if you're stuck If you need help filling out the forms, you can ask the clerk questions, and some courts have an advocate who can assist you. - [ ] Check if you can file electronically `{when: electronic-filing-available}` Depending on where you live, you may be able to file your petition electronically and make an "electronic appearance" so the judge can question you and issue an ex parte temporary order. - [ ] Fill out every section carefully Vague or missing details are the most common reason judges hesitate or deny. - [ ] Ask specifically for an emergency (ex parte) order if you're in danger now `{when: in-danger-now}` `{essential}` The judge will review your application for a temporary ex parte restraining order and may grant it that same day, though a really busy court may take longer. - [ ] Bring your documentation and witness list along with the petition Even if the form doesn't require it yet, it speeds up the judge's read and helps later. ## After the judge reviews it - [ ] Get a copy of any temporary order the judge signs `{essential}` Keep it with you always; it does nothing if you can't show it to police. - [ ] Arrange for someone else to serve the papers `{essential}` The other person must be formally notified. Your forms can be personally served by anyone over 18 who isn't involved in your case, such as a friend, relative, law enforcement, or professional process server — you cannot be the one to serve them. - [ ] Ask the sheriff to serve it for free `{when: county-offers-free-service}` Many counties offer this. - [ ] Confirm service happens before your hearing date `{essential}` The respondent must be served notice five business days before the hearing, and if they haven't been served in time, the hearing gets rescheduled. - [ ] If service fails, ask for a new date right away If you weren't able to have the abuser served before the court date, you can ask the judge for a new hearing date and another temporary order, using a specific form that must be filed before the hearing. - [ ] Note your exact hearing date and time `{essential}` These cases run on strict day counts, and missing your date can mean starting over. ## At the final hearing - [ ] Show up on time, every time `{essential}` An order almost never gets granted in your absence. - [ ] Bring your evidence, witnesses, and a written timeline Organize it so you can walk the judge through it without fumbling. - [ ] Stick to facts, keep it simple Judges weigh credibility as heavily as evidence. - [ ] Ask for exactly what you need No-contact, stay-away distance, moving the other person out of a shared home, temporary custody, firearm surrender — an order only covers what you actually request. - [ ] Bring a support person or advocate `{when: court-allows-support-person}` If your court allows it in the room. - [ ] Get the signed final order before you leave the courthouse `{essential}` Don't rely on a verbal ruling; leave with the actual paper. ## After you have the order - [ ] Keep a copy on you, at work, at home, and at your kids' school `{essential}` Police can't enforce what they can't see. - [ ] Give a copy to people who might need to recognize the other person School staff, workplace security, childcare providers. - [ ] Call the police for any violation, every time, no matter how small `{essential}` It builds the record and keeps you protected. - [ ] Document any violation the same way you documented the original abuse Texts, voicemails, someone spotting them near your home. - [ ] Mark the expiration or renewal date on your calendar `{when: order-is-temporary}` Refile before it lapses. - [ ] Register or notify police in a new state if you move `{when: moving-to-new-state}` Enforceability generally follows you, but local police often need a copy on file to act quickly.